A doctor and his wife were having an argument  one morning.  "Your love making has a lot to be desired",  he stated.  He had second thoughts when he arrived at his office and decided to call her and  apologize for what he had said.  The phone rang and rang, but she never answered. When he arrived home that evening, he asked  where she had been and why she did not pick up the phone. She told him she couldn't as she was in bed and too busy getting another opinion.

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.  One day, after spending the afternoon together, they fell asleep and did not awake until 8:00 PM.  As the man hurriedly dressed he asked the secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass.  Mystified, she complied.  When he returned home, his wife asked where he had been.  He replied,  "I can't lie to you.  I'm having an affair with my secretary. The wife glanced down at his shoes and said:  "You're  a lying bum.  You've been playing golf!"






Doctor Jerk


A young man named Michael was very nervous about a blind date his friend had arranged.  "Don't worry," his friend said.  "If she doesn't meet your expectations - just say "Aghhhhhhhhhh"  when she meets you at the door and she will run away."  That evening when Michael met his date at her front door, he was amazed and delighted at the beautiful, sexy figure standing before him -  until he heard her gasp, "Aghhhhhhhhhhh"






Thank God for air conditioners!!




Anyone you know?



I'm in the mood for love . . . 


A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day.  They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach.  Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.  Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they left their clothes when a group of ladies from town came along.  Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes.  After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.  The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, . . .  it's my face they would recognize!" 

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.  She usually slept during the entire class.  One day, while she was napping, the teacher asked, " Who created the Universe? "When she didn't stir, the little boy seated in the chair behind Mary took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.  "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher said "Very good" and Mary fell back to sleep.  A little while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord & Savior?"  Once again, the little boy stuck the sleeping Mary with a pin.  "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.  The teacher was pleased.  Mary fell back to sleep again. Later, the teacher asked Mary a 3rd question,  "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her 23rd child?"  The little boy jabbed the sleeping Mary again with the pin.  This time Mary  jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that dam thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half."  The teacher fainted.

It's an art!



  A few profound words . . . 

A man's got to do what a man's got to do.  A woman must do what he can't.

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on!

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


T-Shirts of the Month

Your Daily Dose of Zen

Before your criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  This way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again - it was probably worth it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

It's always darkest before dawn.  So if you're going to steal your neighbor's new paper - that's the time to do it.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive - try missing a couple of  car payments!

The benefits of growing old:

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
You can't remember the time you last laid on the floor to watch television.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You talk about good grass and you're referring to someone's lawn.
Your back goes out more than you do.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
People send you this list . . . 







A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman and started canvassing a well-to-do neighborhood.  She knocked on the door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.  He replied, "Well, you can paint my porch.  How much will you charge?"  The blonde, after looking about, said, "How about $50 dollars?"  The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.  The man's wife heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"  The man replied, "She should.  She was standing on it."  A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.  "You're finished already?" he asked.  "Yes", the blonde answered, " and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."  Impressed, the man reached in his pocket and paid her the $50.  "And by the way," the blonde added . . . (are you ready for this?) . . . "It's not a Porsche - it's a Lexus." 





'til next time

Have a great day!